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To My Son – On the Eve of His 4th Birthday

 

“I believe that if you don’t derive a deep sense of purpose from what you do, if you don’t come radiantly alive several times a day, if you don’t feel deeply grateful at the tremendous good fortune that has been bestowed on you, then you are wasting your life. And life is too short to waste.” – Srikumar Rao

My son:

Tomorrow, you turn four years old… I can’t believe where the time has gone. It was a very cold afternoon: the day you were born.

I remember running around the house trying to get water ready for the birthing tub, not being able to get enough hot water for us to use it, because you were ready to enter this world.

Little did I know then, that I would be doing a lot of running around–from here to there, trying to fulfill your needs, even now. It seems you have been in a hurry since you were born, trying as hard as you can to push through your birthdays. Minutes become hours, hours become days, days become months…

For me, it still seems like yesterday that you were small enough to fit in my hand, that cold February afternoon. Now on the eve of your 4th year, you fit from my waist to my shoulders, with your legs dangling down. I want to push back these years; they’ve just come upon me so fast.

I love that you can talk to me. We play chase and do all the things a boy who is not quite 4 should be doing, but I also long for that newborn boy, that little one that I cradled in my arms as I would walk around the house, late at night, trying to chase your hiccups away. These four years, for me, have moved at light speed. I am afraid to blink some days, as then you will be 8, then 12, then 16…

I know time waits for no one, even a loving father who wishes it would. This is the natural order of things. And, I do so love watching you grow each minute of each day, but for your silly dad I’d not mind having a few days here and there, where we could relive them, the days gone by…

I hope I have done right by you. I hope that four years from now, when I am writing and crying (not from sadness, but from the extreme happiness that you fill my heart with) about how these 4 years have flown by, that you will still know how much I love you, and how proud I am of everything you are, and everything you will become.

You amaze me everyday–in the things I see in you, the things you say and do. I know other parents believe they have the smartest, most amazing kid(s), and they should. For me no one is equal to you or your brother in those areas.

I need to stop writing for now, as I can barely see the screen through my tears…

Know that I love you, my son…

And, if you are listening Father Time, if you wouldn’t mind giving me one more day of the age of “3”, I will be forever in your debt. If that isn’t possible, I am going to see if I can’t hold you fast enough, to stave off the happening “4” for one more day…

“Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness, and the word happy would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness. It is far better take things as they come along with patience and equanimity.” –  Carl Jung

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